Granny's Story Time

Issue #5

Released June 29, 2018                                                                                                                   By Chloe

WEATHER & LOST AND FOUND by Sally Henny Penny

Sports column by Maxwell Riggs

The Chicken Town Journal

Breakfast in the Hotel Welcome back to everybody's favorite news journal! This week, we've got a doozy of a headline story for you. Stay tuned for the latest deets on the Chicken Town Shopping Mall, opening next week! Today, our headline topic is the dubious hotel breakfast options. As everyone knows, the hotel is the place to stay. With the recent apartment addition to this lovely building, business has been booming in the henhouse! But one concerned citizen came to us about the... unconventional choices for morning dishes. Emma, a Barnevelder funding this newspaper, said, “The food in the hotel breakfast restaurant serves a strange array of insects. I wouldn't eat there... if I was starving to death, to be honest.” One of the most curious menu items is mites. Chickens, of course, enjoy many many insects of all species and families, but mites are not particularly enjoyed by them or feathered friends. An anonymous caller informed us on the empty-feeder situtation in the hotel, as well. We're concerned at best, but the hotel says they've taken care of the mites already. I for one am glad that the hotel has such pleasant benefactors.

A Tribute Today, we would like to pay our tribute to one of the most outstanding citizens of Chicken Town, who has recently passed. Adriana Buckeye, a senior citizen of the town, was a blessing who touched all of our lives. She was the highly-esteemed mayor for a period, and has been a supporter of many of Chicken Town's most esteemed businesses and public candidates. We will all miss Adriana dearly, and never forget her in the years to come. Ad: Fluffy Pillows... TODAY! Are you tired of your pillows and cushions NEVER being fluffy enough? Do they keep going flat as a pancake after a night of sleeping on it? Do you just wish that there was something to support your head, yet maintain the loveliness of your favorite cushions? Look no farther! We have the MARSHMALLOW FLUFF PILLOW right here, just waiting for the right head! They never sink, and they are the most wonderful pillow you'll ever use!* For a low price, you can get yours today at your local shopper's market!** Buy your Marshmallow Fluff Pillow today! *Data based on a group of five hens, ten women, thirteen men, and one hundred toddlers. Voting system based on whether the customer's head or bottom felt like it was on a cloud or not. Over 50% of voters said that “it felt good on their tush” or “it let me sleep well for at least two hours.” Price not refundable. ** Not necessarily available at every single store.

Weather Report by Sally Henny Penny Hello, chickens! Looking at the weather here, we're in for a really nice week. On Saturday, we're looking at a high of 92°F, and quite the low of 71°F. We've got a 10% chance of precipitation along with a partly cloudy day. But, depending on the forecast on June 29th and the balmy weather on that day, I wouldn't count your chickens just yet! On Sunday, clouds should roll in, bringing a 20% chance of rain, with warm temperatures up to 91°F and down to 73°F. On Monday, we're looking at thunderstorms in the afternoon or evening at a 50% chance. The high will be 88°F and the low is 72°. Tuesday has the same forecast, so get out your raincoat! On Wednesday, we have partial clouds and a high of 89°F and a low of 73°F, with 20% chance of precipitation. The temps should go down to 88°F for the high on Thursday, but the low temperature remains the same. We have 40% chance of afternoon showers as well. For Friday, we're expecting more rain at a chance of 40%. The high looks about 88°F and the low should settle around 71°F. We've got quite a lot of rain coming around, Chicken Town, so I wouldn't be booking your trip to the community pool, especially around the end of the week. Keep an eye on the sky, as we here at the Chicken Town Journal do every day. Wishing you much luck on your rainy day projects, Sally Henny Penny! Information gained from weather.com, The Weather Channel.

Sports Column Come one, come all, sports fans! With basketball season ended, that's given me a lot of time to dig in on the new football team in the area: the Golden Clucks! I've been doing some research, and the players have been chosen from select schools, including Cluckenberg University, Goatre Dame, and many other esteemed colleges around the country. I've got a whole load of details for you in our next issue. Speaking of colleges, our very own hometown hero Jeremy Burns, who just happens to be my cousin, has recently been accepted into Syracluck! Who can forget Jeremy's game-winning buzzer beater of last year's championship game? We'll miss you, Jeremy, and we wish you the best of luck! Oh, goodness! There's just so much hubbub in the basketball teams that I can hardly think. The big question on everyone's minds: will the Cluckland Cavaliers trade Leghorn James? I for one hope he stays, because the Cavaliers crashed in the last season finals. They made it far, but... give them some credit, the fourth team in the standings beat the Raptors! Thanks for giving my article a read. I'm new to the Chicken Town Journal team and I haven't gotten much publicity yet. I hope each one of you is satisfied with my news on the local sports teams, superstars, and even out-of-town news. Never give up, cause if everyone did, there would be no Cavaliers. Thanks for reading! Maxwell Riggs

Ad: New Album Out NOW! Hey, feathered rockers! Who doesn't love a new Bruce McCluckenberg album? You're in luck, because Rabbit Studios just released his latest new pop album: “Hugs from a Piece of Paper”! The songs featured include the song of the album's name, “Sand Dune,” a Bruce version of “Chicken Pants,” and an all-time favorite, “BeepBopRobot!” Pre-order yours online, or head to your local store and buy one. They're flying off the shelves! Get one today and listen to Bruce's sweet, abrupt voice cut into your beautiful silence like a talking pair of scissors! Important Message: Due to recent events, Betty Boop's Hospital is temporarily closed. If any medical assistance is needed, please refer to Sheriff Shelby or Chloe. DO NOT ENTER THE HOSPITAL UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. Miss Boop informed our sources that a bug spraying professional is on his way immediately and will take care of an infestation of wood-eating insects immediately. The hospital will be open to the public as soon as possible, on July 5, 2018. On behalf of Betty Boop's Hospital, we deeply apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. The Gossip Committee Everyone knows about the Gossip Committee, a group of gabby gobblers who want to dig in on the good stuff. This all-new column lists all Gossip Committee meeting schedules and an address. The Gossip Committee is a proud benefactor and sponsor of The Chicken Town Journal. Gossip Committee Hen's Club June 30, 3:30pm Gossip Committee Club building Membership required Gossip Committee Rooster's Club July 1, 2:45pm Gossip Committee Club building Membership required Junior Gossip Committee Club July 1, 3:55pm Gossip Committee Headquarters building Membership required Snack & Gossip Night June 30, 6pm Dinner will be provided Betty Boop's house, directions in supermarket directory. “Hugs from a Piece of Paper” Release Dance Party July 6, 5-11pm Gossip Committee Headquarters Public welcome Live appearance by Bruce McCluckenberg Dinner & snacks will be provided

Lost & Found by Sally Henny Penny Lost: Red sweatjacket, sum of money in pocket amounting to $200 Return to Jackie Hiyde 937-568-5564 Meatball sub, Reward of $5 Return to Bruce McCluckenberg Emerald pendant on gold chain Reward of $500 Return to Buttercup Davis Red box of little metal cars, name Jimmy Contant written on lid Return to Sheila “Scrawny” Contant Found: Purple diary, name Della engraved on front, “lots of juicy stories written inside about a chicken whose father left her a huge allowance and she...” Contact: Ellen Crockford, Salon stylist Handkerchief with little blue swirly design in corner & white lace along edges. Contact: Hansel & Ellie Miller We are sorry that you may have lost something, no matter what that may be. If you've taken a look at the entries above, please feel free to contact the information number at the end of the paper. We hope you find what you're looking for or return lost property to its owner. Current Events Salute to our Founding Fathers July 4, noon Meet at the foot of Mt. Chicken in the park, follow signs to flagpole. Bring lawn chairs or blanket. Lunch bar will be present. Independence Day Show Choir presentation July 2, 5pm At the school, appear fifteen minutes early for photos. Snacks will be served. Despicable Me 2 & 3 June 30, 6pm Admission: $16 per adult, $8 per child Inside Out July 2, 2pm Admission: $8 per adult, $4 per child CHILDREN 4 & UNDER ARE FREE Ad: Singing Night Chair Your child always begs you to stay an extra five minutes just to sing a lullaby to them. Sometimes it would be nice to just go take a bath or wash some dishes while your little one sleeps. Your savior is here! The Singing Night-Night Chair is all you'll ever need to put your child to sleep. Forget sitting there and having a precious moment with your child, the Singing Night-Night Chair gets it done for you! Just put in a D.V.D with the song you want on it and it'll play! The chair can also be used to read stories as your child is lulled to sleep by its cold, mechanic voice. Get your Singing Night-Night Chair today, and lots of free time!

Signing Off

Thank you for reading the online edition of The Chicken Town Journal. It means a lot to us that you enjoy our local paper. Not only the most popular newspaper in town, it is the best quality paper you could get. Our writers, editors, sponsors, and printers work hard to bring the very best to your home (er, computer screen).

A great thanks to Sally Henny Penny, who has agreed to take on the task of writing our weather column and the lost and found. And good luck to Maxwell  Riggs, who has volunteered to write our sports column while he goes through the steps of getting into college.

As for the rest of you, have a good week (and try not to get too much sun). Lots of love, Chloe!